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Growth Through Grief
Imagine a world without grief. It sounds great, until you realize that in such a world either no one would die, in which case we'd crowd each other off the planet in a few generations, or no one would care, which would make our world a cold, unloving place to live. No, grief is an essential part of the human experience; it's here to stay, and we have to learn to deal with it if we want to stay here too.
That's easily said, of course, but less easily done. The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult things any of us has to face. For most of us it means deep pain, loneliness, anger, and a confusing wilderness of emotions. We don't know what--if anything--will help us, where to turn for help, or whether we dare ask for help at all. Most of us, in fact, suffer in silence.
Psychotherapist Sharon I. Eve offers a helping hand to those experiencing grief, in her book Journey of Love--A Guide for the Grieving. Dr. Eve believes that not only can grief be assuaged, it can even be a transforming experience, helping us grow in consciousness and love.
To begin, Eve points out that, although everyone grieves in his or her own way, there are many universal aspects to grieving, and understanding them helps us put our grief in perspective. You're not the only one who ever grieved, and that deep sorrow is not the bottomless pit it may seem to be. Others have been through it before, and Dr. Eve helps us understand what support we need and can expect from others, how to go about building that support, and how to find a modicum of comfort therein.
Still, a lot depends on the grieving individual. Balancing spiritual and practical wisdom, Eve encourages us to express the emotions of grief, which can be quite varied within and between individuals, and to identify and understand them. Suddenly grief seems not such a quagmire after all. Once we can face our feelings, we are free to hold the memories of our loved ones close to our hearts, integrating them into ourselves permanently. In this way we are not simply made "whole again," but become more than we were before, and we can reach inner peace despite--and even because of--our grief.
Thus, as difficult as grief may be, it presents an opportunity to everyone who grieves, which is another reason why a world without grief would be a poorer world than the one we now know.
Dr. Sharon I. Eve is a psychotherapist and marriage and family therapist in private practice in Santa Barbara, California. She teaches at the University of California Extension and at the Santa Barbara College of Oriental Medicine. |
